5 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks

The Twilight Saga is nearly dead, so I thought that I should get this out there now as a good-bye & good riddance ritual. I’ve read Twilight probably twice, New Moon twice (didn’t want to because that shit depressed me but had to because I felt that I was too busy being depressed to take in the story), Eclipse a minimum of four times (I actually cried the last time, when Bella came back from the Black house after the big battle) and Breaking Dawn a shocking NINE times!! I’m actually kinda embarrassed for myself  now. I loved those books probably because of the hype but now I wouldn’t recommend them. I have also watched all the movies at least twice each. So now I have compiled a list of reasons outlining why the Twilight Saga is utter elephant & donkey shit. In no particular order…. Imma keep it short and sweet.

1. Weak female characters

I hate Isabella Marie Cullen née Swan. Bella is a vagina. She is what every woman in the world should strive not be. She is weak, a push-over, she is clingy, she goes 3/4 of mad over some boy. I hate bitches that love so much that it consumes them. They are no strong female characters in Twilight maybe Jane is a bit of a bad ass but she is owned by a man, a real woman is her own boss, it get’s worse from here, Victoria is driven by revenge for her love, worse still James didn’t even love her really & the bitch couldn’t see that. Leah is bitter over lost love, like Bella she lets a man effect everything about her. Alice is cool but she ain’t shit without her vision. Renee is an air head who needs to get slapped. Esme is just the traditional woman. Jessica is a typical hating female & my favorite Rosalie is not happy with her life, why? Because she wants to fulfill the traditional role of a woman, pop out babies and look after a house.

2. Edward does not want to die.

Why does everybody not see that Edward Cullen is a scheming, controlling, conniving, manipulative, possessive mother fucker?

3. The vampires are a joke.

I’d really like to know what possessed Meyer to create glow in the light vampires. Enough said. Twilight missed the blood and gore that make a vampire tale…. a vampire tale.

4. It includes the worst love triangle in the history of time

Everyone and their grandmother knew that Jacob didn’t have a chance in the seven heavens.

5. It just does.